A blue bear made from tragedy.

I don’t actually know how I want to word this post. Recently my dad passed away. I was with him that morning before going to work, we had a rather mundane everyday talk that mirrored every other day in a normal life, he seemed fine, he was fine, I went to work and two hours later got a call he had died and my whole world felt like it was torn apart. This was very much an unexpected death. The weird thing was I really didn’t want to leave him that morning, everything felt off that day. Even though I was at work when he died, the moment he fell (I was told the time later) I had felt like the wind was knocked out of me and I had a feeling of I just want to go. It was the most disconcerting feeling I have ever felt, the call came an hour after that.

I was very much a daddy’s girl, we were close and did a lot together, we loved hiking together and spending time just being together. The day before he died I worked on hand sewing while he watched golf (his hobby not mine) and the thing that made it special is we were just in the same room together existing in the same place it didn’t have to be anything grand we just got along.

He still had a few of his old work shirts so I salvaged one and turned it into a bear. My whole life up until he retired he wore a blue work uniform. The shades of blue may have varied but they were always blue so I always associated the work uniform with him, even after he retired he would wear the shirts to do grungy jobs around the house. The pattern is simplicity # 8716 a pattern someone gave me and I kind of thought I would never use it, but then I did, so I was glad I had it, that way I didn't have to think about too much about a pattern to use.

This has been a really rough year, and I just really miss my dad.

My mom and I doing some serious missing next to flowers my dad planted at a garden where my dad volunteered.